Update 2

I love Wheaton College. I love the people here. I have some amazing floormates and friends here. But something kills me. I’ve been neglecting God. I’ve been learning so much about Him, but I’ve been neglecting coming before Him with daily communion. I’ve been feeding myself with the word, but there has been no exercise. I’ve been so lazy with God. It kills me. So many of my friends are doing so well. I feel like the only one dragging behind. But that doesn’t even matter. The point is, I’ve been neglecting God. God, I’m so sorry. I’ve lost intimacy with you. Jesus, I still love you, but this little flame I have, it’s nothing much. Pour your oil on me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Desperation hurts, and it hurts to realize that I’ve been so stupid. It hurts to know that what I have been doing is all wrong because I’ve been neglecting the only thing that matters. My intimacy with you. God, only you can be the instigator and maintainer of our relationship. I let you to consume me. Please, teach me. Teach me to love and serve. Teach me to never forget. Teach me how to be a lover. Teach me how to be a son. Teach me how to make you Lord.

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